[CLOH-News] wellness pages

[Mark Rauterkus]

Hi,

New page on wellness
<https://read.swimisca.org/courses/global-library-for-isca-members/lessons/stay-happy-and-healthy-wellness-tips-for-coaches-from-wayne-goldsmith/topic/wellness-worthy-self/>
within the Global Library for ISCA Members
<https://read.swimisca.org/courses/global-library-for-isca-members/> at
Read.SwimISCA.org.

Full URL:
https://read.swimisca.org/courses/global-library-for-isca-members/lessons/stay-happy-and-healthy-wellness-tips-for-coaches-from-wayne-goldsmith/topic/wellness-worthy-self/

Login to see it, or keep reading below.


Mark Rauterkus       Mark at Rauterkus.com
Webmaster, International Swim Coaches Association, SwimISCA.org
218-400-1500 = cell

= = =

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You are different from everyone else. Celebrate that.

   - You offer unique perspectives in life.

Those who are constantly comparing themselves to others send signals that
they are not happy with who they are. Don’t be like that. Be happy.

Public schools are notorious for raising young people with an aim of
conforming to society.

Was *conforming *a big measure in how were you brought up?

If you don’t fit within society’s norms, you are looked upon
disapprovingly. However, most people aren’t normal in the truest sense of
the word.
Everyone has quirks and idiosyncrasies.

These differences allow us to find solutions to problems. Differences
keep us from getting bored. Imagine if everyone were truly the same. There
would be nothing new to discover about one another.

There are some reasons to conform. For instance, you need to follow the
rules and laws of your country, community, school, league and team.
Otherwise, you suffer consequences and run the risk of serious
repercussions.
Get out of the habit of comparing yourself to others.

When you do this, you are likely setting unrealistic expectations and being
unrealistic leads to disappointments.

Comparing yourself to others results in resentment towards those people.
They have their reasons for being the way they are, and it has nothing to
do with you.
Do admire qualities in others.

There is nothing wrong with trying to adopt some of those admirable
qualities for yourself. However, it shouldn’t get to the point where you
are trying to redefine who you are to be like those people you admire. You
aren’t them, and you never will be.

If you spend time and effort trying to be like someone else, you are in for
a rough ride. If you stick to who you are and find others willing to accept
you for that, you are going to be more satisfied. Others will be happier
with the real you as well. You won’t be a pretender. People see through
that kind of behavior.
[image: Stop Labeling Yourself]
Fight Your Inner Critic

There is a voice inside your head that tells you when you do something
wrong. It acts as a filter of sorts and is needed to help you survive. It
alerts you when you are running late, and tells you to get to work and stop
slacking off. But, sometimes it can be too harsh for your wellbeing.

When this happens, it’s time to fight your inner critic. You need to take
it down a notch or two. You don’t want to silence that critic completely,
but you do want to teach it some balance. After all, you can’t be wrong
100-percent of the time.
This inner voice is a built-in human feature.

The inner voice is a protection mechanism to help guide you through your
journey in life. Sometimes it shouts at you to let you know you are in
danger. Other times, it can let you know what you should say or not say in
social situations.
[image: Fight Your Inner Critic]
This inner voice can be overly critical.

The inner critic plugs along in a lifetime of negativity. It sees while you
watch the TV news and listens to conversations with others. The constant
barrage of negativity has helped the inner critic build into a cynic that
it is.

Your inner critic also has your guardians and childhood teachers on its
side. After all, you spent your entire childhood listening to the
authorities telling you what you are not allowed to do. The inner critic
scooped up that information. And it was reinforced for years.

   - There are many times when it makes sense to temper the inner critic.

The inner critic can go on-and-on, too long, with unchecked power. Dialing
it back is not easy since it has had such a constant presence throughout
your life.

   - You can take some steps to curb its impact.

Use more positive affirmations.

Or, start using them if you’ve not done so in the past. Do turn to
affirmations, consistently, on a daily basis. Sure, you can get away with
weekly affirmations, if that's all the time you have.

With affirmations, be prepared for resistance from your inner critic. Your
inner critic may not have been talked back to for years. Its voice usually
has the run of things, so be aware.
Paying attention to the messages the inner critic is giving you.

It may be worth it to jot them down on a piece of paper. Evaluate those
messages frequently, and decide if it is giving you the right advice. You
will find that often it isn’t. When you make this discovery, it’s time for
you to make some changes.
[image: Acknowledge Your Self-Limiting Beliefs]

Overcoming self-limiting beliefs.
Managing FrustrationsNot everyone knows how to manage frustrations.

It’s not taught in schools (though it should be) and our parents weren’t
always the best examples. Even if you’re among the fortunate few who grew
up around people who never seemed frustrated, chances are you might not
have learned how to channel frustration into something positive and good.

   - Athletes and coaches need to keep cool, even in the most frustrating
   of circumstances.

Take a Step Back.

   - One of the smartest things you should do when feeling frustrated is to
   take a step back.
   - Breathe.
   - Don’t react.
   - Take a minute to distance yourself from the situation so you can ask
   what just happened and try to figure out an answer.

By stepping outside of the situation, you can see things more objectively.
Ask if there are pros or cons to this situation. Remind yourself if you’ve
been here before. Remember how you have gotten out of situations unscathed.
Even if this is new territory for you, chances are it wasn’t for someone
else. Remind yourself that you are sure to survive this challenge.
Embrace the Emotion, Then Let Go.

When you’re frustrated, you’re pulling a lot of emotion into a situation.
Your first reaction might be to suppress these feelings. Rather than
pushing down and trying to ignore them, identify what you’re feeling, then
allow yourself to feel it before letting it go. That keeps emotions from
controlling the situation.
Act When Calm.

When you think you’re outside the grip of the emotions, then you are to act
rationally. Do that. You should make all decisions from your logical self,
not the emotional one. The goal is to respond to a frustrating situation,
not react.
Identify What You Wanted in the First Place.

Frustration tends to happen when you’re not getting something you want.

What triggered this frustration?

Was this a want or a need?

If it’s a want, is it practical or reasonable?

Or, is this something you need to let go?

Make a Choice.

In the end, frustration only leaves you with two choices: accept the status
quo, even If it’s painful, or change the situation to ease the frustration.
Decide which it’s going to be. If you’re going with the status quo, you
have to accept the frustration as being part of this decision and learn to
live with it, or let it go.

Managing frustration isn’t hard so long as you can stay out of the emotions
of the moment. Keep a handle on yourself and take the time to think things
through. Then act as needed.
[image: Let go of people who tie you to the past.]
Daily Frustration Examination

Even small things can get under your skin when they pile up.

   - Don't let daily frustrations rule your life.

Examine the Frustrations.

First, determine whether this is a common frustration or a symptom of
something bigger.

What’s going on?

How are you reacting?

If you’re finding yourself overreacting to the frustration, it might be
that the stress you’re feeling doesn’t have to do with frustration at all.
If that’s the case, you’ll want to address the bigger problem. However, you
can easily manage small frustrations.
Know the Cause.

Once you’ve determined what the frustration is, take some time to
understand why the situation is frustrating to you. If you’re unsure, you
might want to spend some time in thought, or even putting your words on
paper to understand this better.

   - Misplaced or not?

If you think the cause of the frustration is you, ask yourself why. Not
every frustration has a clear cause or solution. Sometimes things happen
outside your control, and you just need to let them go.
Adjust Your Timing.

No one can deal with frustration when they’re tired, and energy is lagging.
Take care of frustrations when you’re at peak energy and ability. For
example, if you’re not a morning person, save frustrating tasks for the
afternoon.

   - Take the Randomness Out of the Day.

By putting yourself on a schedule or keeping a strict routine, there’s less
room for surprises which might be frustrating. Keep the randomness out by
creating a schedule including even the more mundane tasks in your day, such
as brushing your teeth.
Frustration comes when you’re trying to control something out of your grasp.

   - Is the Point of the Frustration Worth the Fight?
   - Is the battle worth pursuing, or can you let this one go?

Practice Conscious Listening.

A lot of frustrations come when we’re not communicating well with someone
else. Slow down. Listen to what the other person is saying. Reiterate their
position, showing you’re clear on what they’re saying. Take time to think
about your response, making sure you’re both clear on what you’re trying to
say.
Find a Release.

Frustration brings up adrenaline levels. Punch a pillow, work out, clean
the house. Do something physical to release the pent-up energy.

When you manage your frustration, you’re free to become a calmer, happier
person. Don’t let daily frustrations run you down. Stay calm.
Better, Healthier Boundaries

We all have boundaries. Maybe you don’t feel like you do, because of the
countless times in the past when the athletes, the team and the program
have been overrunning your roles.

Somewhere around the umpteenth time of being taken advantage of, of being
ignored about your own needs, and treated as though your time is not
valuable, you start to believe that you’ve lost whatever boundaries you had.

   - You can recreate your boundaries.

The good news is that it is possible to make your boundaries stronger and
healthier than ever before. Boundary management offers one way to jumpstart
your sporting life. Boundaries can be put on track.
Permit yourself to start again.

While this step seems obvious, there are quite a few reasons for it. First,
by telling yourself it’s okay to set boundaries, you’re declaring that
you’re important enough to have them. But also, in acknowledging that it’s
okay to start over, you’re not getting hung up on the past. That is you,
taking control of the present and future. Embrace it!
Pay attention with an inventory.

Here’s where you start getting into the details of who you are and who you
want to be.

How have people taken advantage of you in the past?

Where have you wished there were boundaries?

What do you need to do to establish them now?

Be mindful of your feelings. Look for the disappointment and anger.

What has set those off?

Chances are those are places where the boundaries need the most work.
You’ll find that self-awareness is key to your success. Don’t be afraid to
dig into your emotions.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help either with a counselor or therapist to
work through some baggage.

Where have you been?

And where are you now?

Chances are a lot of what you feel about boundaries came from your wiring
as a child. If no one respected your space growing up, it’s hard to ask
people to respect it now. Examine the boundaries of your childhood and
compare them to the boundaries of today.

What’s lacking?

What needs work?

It might be that some of the things you find make boundary setting
particularly difficult in some situations. Team up with others to get
through some of that old baggage.
Take care of yourself.

When you’re not feeling well, it’s nearly impossible to be firm in your
boundaries. Being strong and healthy gives you the energy needed to put
your foot down when you need to. With that in mind, taking care of yourself
not only makes sense, but it is also necessary for future success.

   - Remember the basics: Eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep every
   night.

Speak up.

There’s going to be pushback when you set boundaries. Having healthy
boundaries means that you put the work in to maintain them. That means
saying, "No," when you need to. By being assertive you not only protect
those boundaries, but you also tell the world that you have something to
say.

Need help?

Enlist a support team who can cheer you on when you’re flagging. Get those
support friends who aren’t afraid to point out when you’re starting to
slip. Sometimes we all need some tough love, especially when we’re pushing
for better, healthier boundaries.
Not only do you draw a line in the sand in terms of a boundary, you’re
taking control of your life.

Healthy boundaries are meant to protect you so that you have room to grow
and become the person you always knew you could be. But first, you have to
begin. Don't wait.
------------------------------
Reactions welcome:

Use the comment box below.

   - What tips are you going to work on?
   - What tips did you find valuable?