[StBernard] Mr Craig

[Westley Annis]

Melissa,
 
Keep in mind that three main points to dealing with children include
explaining, supporting, and maintaining.   Explaining what has happened at a
level for the children to understand is important- the children will
understand it at different levels and will need to have different
explanations depending on their level of development-  keep the explanation
to the point and avoid overdramatizing the situation.  The explanation
should include mostly factual descriptions of the storm without emotional
adjectives that intensify the perception of the event.  Providing support is
all about reassuring the children in ways that are receptive to them- we may
feel better by offering signs of support, but the important concept here is
that the child is buying into the supportive effort- if they are not open to
the style try something different.  Support does not mean erasing reasonable
expectations of behavior.  Support requires that you step into the child's
world as a means of being present with the child's losses, fears, anxieties,
and other emotional questions and reactions.  It is not necessary for the
parent to become all those emotions with the child, but to acknowedge them
and allow the child to feel what they feel and think what they think and
then to model the appropriate expressions of feelings and shape the healthy
way of thinking about the storm and the adjustments- just to say that its
not so bad or it could be worse may be true but does not validate the
feelings that may be present.  The key is not to send the message that the
child is in some way wrong for his/her beliefs or feelings.  Continue to
reassure the child as best possible through outlets of expression such as
pretend play, drawing, or storytelling.  Also keep in mind that the child
may be into the experience in one instant and not in the next.
 
In the maintaining aspect of this is the goal to establish or reestablish
routines as best possible.  Some things can be recreated and others will be
new to the child.  Any items that were of particular interest or security
items, try to replace if the child expresses a need for such.  See the
adjustments and changes that the child is having to make separate from
yours.  As new routines develop help the child to take ownership of the
routines.  Play activities and friends will present a challenge for
children- it is ok to relate new experiences to old ones as the child needs
to do so.  Let the child take the lead on this.
 
Obviously, I can't cover everything but please let me know if you have
specific questions or concerns.  I'll be happy to respond or talk with you
directly- no charge obviously.
 
Good Luck and God Bless,
Craig Taffaro
 
-----Original Message-----
 
About the counseling for kids, My 3rd grader is seeing a guidance counceler
at school for some of this, but my two, three, and six year old doesn't
understand any of this.  I try to keep they away from the pictures and have
not brought them back to the parish.  My eight year old, she understands
everything that happened and is handling it very quitely.  My six year old
keeps asking for his toys and that he wants to go home, they he says he
remembers that they got washed away.  The four year old and the two year old
don't mention it at all.  
 
Thanks Melissa