[StBernard] Humor

[Westley Annis]

Redneck Church 

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses
to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the
members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn
that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what
bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... when the pastor says,"I'd like
to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand
up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is
recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... a member of the church requests
to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a
hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the "OK
Chorale."

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... in a congregation of 500
members, there are only seven different last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what
you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a
#2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the choir robes were donated
by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. 
 
11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the collection plates are
really hubcaps from a' 56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... instead of a bell; you are
called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife
drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's
Farm "Tickled Pink." 
 
15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet"
applies to huntin' dogs, too.
 
16. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya heah".

God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers!!! 

JY