[StBernard] A MUST READ for dog & cat owners

[Westley Annis]

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary: 


Quote:	
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
 
 
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary: 


Quote:
Day 683 of my captivity: 

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets. 

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless
must eat something in order to keep up my strength. 

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. 

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear
the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to
the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to
my advantage. 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. 

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The
dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! 

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe...for now...