[StBernard] Oldsters

[Westley Annis]

	An elderly gentleman... 
	Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the
doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids
that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% 
	The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again." 
	The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. 
	I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my
will three times!" 
	
	An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 
	The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went
out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very
highly." 
	The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" 
	The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the
name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's
red and has thorns." 
	"Do you mean a rose?" 
	"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
last night?" 
	
	Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my help to leave the hospital. 
	After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel
him to the elevator. 
	On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 
	"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown." 
	
	A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 
	"So I hear you're getting married?" 
	"Yep!" 
	"Do I know her?" 
	"Nope!" 
	"This woman, is she good looking?" 
	"Not really." 
	"Is she a good cook?" 
	"Naw, she can't cook too well." 
	"Does she have lots of money?" 
	"Nope! Poor as a church mouse." 
	"Well, then, is she good in bed?" 
	"I don't know." 
	"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?" 
	"Because she can still drive!" 
	
	Three old guys are out walking. 
	First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" 
	Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" 
	Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer." 
	
	A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." 
	"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?" 
	"Twelve thirty ." 
	
	Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 
	A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with
a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
	A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?" 
	Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'" 
	The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur; be careful."  
	
	One more. . .! 
	 
	A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
ordered a banana split. 
	The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" 
	"No," he replied, "Arthritis."