[StBernard] school humor

[Westley Annis]

For all the teachers everywhere...





	YOU might be a school employee if.... 
	
	...you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt
lick 
	
	...you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work
8 to 3:30 and have summers off 
	
	..it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you
can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered 
	
	...you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow,
hail....anything!!!  Without ever looking outside 
	
	...you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a
report card 
	
	...you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone
says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today." 
	
	...when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at
children you do not know and correct their behavior 
	
	...you have no social life between August and June 
	
	...you think people should have a government permit before being
allowed to reproduce 
	
	...you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce 
	
	...you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as
the "lounge." 
	
	...you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools
or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they
decided to move out of district 
	
	...you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form 
	
	you can't imaging how the ACLU could think that covering your
students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the
corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public 
	
	...meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is
this kid like this?" 
	
	...you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference 
	
	...you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and
crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!! 
	
	...the words "I have a college debt for this?" has ever come out of
your mouth 
	
	and my own addition.....you often fantasize about inventing spray
Valium for certain classes