[StBernard] Aging with Humor

[Westley Annis]

I like the first one and the senility prayer.

	Aging With Humor 
	
	
	Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two
years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?" 
	_________________________________ 
	Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think
is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,
"No peer pressure." 
	_______________________________ 
	The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs . 
	__________________________________________________________ 
	I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I
still have my driver's license. 
	________________________________ 
	I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided
to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over. 
	_______________________________ 
	An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 
	"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" 
	"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." 
	____________________________________________________________ 
	My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be. 
	________________________________   
	Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. 
	_______________________________ 
	It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee
maker. 
	______________________________ 
	These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief." 
	______________________________ 
	Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing. 
	________________________________ 
	--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference. 
	______________________________________________________________ 
	Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10
others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
they are! 
	
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