[StBernard] Christmas Diet

[Westley Annis]

	In case you've forgotten the holiday diet tips..
	 1. Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls! 
	
	2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and as quickly as you can.  You
can't find it any other time of year, ! so drin k up!  Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an
"eggnog-aholic" or something.  It's a treat.  Enjoy it!!!!  Have one for me.
Have two.  It's later than you think.  It's Christmas!
	 
	3. If something comes with gravy, use the gravy. That's the whole
point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand-alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano
out of your mashed potatoes and fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano.
Repeat.
	
	4. As for mashed potatoes, always! ask if they're made with skim
milk, whole milk or cream.  If it's skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like
buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 
	 
	5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello??? 
	 
	6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's Day.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 
	 
	7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself
near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave
them behind, you're never going to see them again. 
	 
	8. Same for pies.  Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of
each.  Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert? 
	 
	9. Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.   I mean, have
some standards! 
	 
	10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.  Re-read
tips.  But hurry, January is just around the corner.
	 
	Remember this motto:
	"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body.  But rather to
skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO-HOO, what a ride!"