[StBernard] Engineers

[Westley Annis]

	Understanding Engineers - Take one
	
	
	Two engineering students were walking across a university campus
where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
	
	
	The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,threw
it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
	
	
	The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
	
	
	Understanding Engineers - Take Two
	
	
	To the optimist, the glass is half full.
	
	To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
	
	To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
	
	
	Understanding Engineers - Take Three
	
	A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
	
	The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes !"
	
	The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golf!"
	
	The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him."
	
	He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
	
	The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we always let them play for free anytime."
	
	The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
	
	The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
	
	The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
	
	
	Understanding Engineers - Take Four
	
	What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
	
	Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build
targets.
	
	
	Understanding Engineers - Take Five
	
	The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
	
	The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
	
	The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
	
	The graduate, Tina, with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"
	
	
	Understanding Engineers - Take Six
	
	Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human b ody.
	
	One said, "It was a mechanical engineer Just look at all the
joints."
	
	Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
	
	The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer.  Who else wo uld run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
	
	
	Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
	
	Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
	
	Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
	
	
	Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
	
	An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
	
	He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
	
	The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
	
	
	The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
	
	
	The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
	
	
	Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
	
	
	Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
	
	
	The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
	mah