[StBernard] Ain't it the truth?

[Westley Annis]

	EXPLAINING ECONOMICS TO DOGS AND CATS 

	by Jackie Gregg 

	

	So, I'm in the kitchen. All four dogs are in the kitchen with me.
It's morning and that means it's time for cookies. The dogs all know this
and they do not let it slip my mind. Ever. All four furry dog butts are
planted on the tiled floor in a row. All four tails going back and forth
like they are competing in a synchronized tail wagging contest. Their
expectant looks always make me smile. But, this morning, they are getting a
little lecture with their cookies. 

	

	"Listen, my doggies," I begin carefully, "The whole country is
experiencing financial problems and we're going to have to tighten our belts
around here. Do you know what that means?" 

	

	Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag. "Well, it means that instead of each of you
getting four cookies in the morning, you will only be getting three." Wag,
wag, wag, wag, wag. Cookies, cookies! She said cookies, right? 

	

	"We must make every penny count for two for a while so we're going
to have to cut back on a lot of extras." Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag. Extra,
extra! She said extra cookies, right? 

	

	"So now, that box of doggie treats has to last for a whooole month
instead of three weeks." Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag. Oh, yeah!! Doggie treats!
When she says doggie treats, she means cookies!! And we love cookies!! Wag,
wag, wag, wag, wag. 

	

	"We're going to have to cut way back on the smoked pigs ears, too."
WAG, WAG, WAG, WAG, WAG. She said smoked pigs ears, didn't she? Yep. She
said it. We're dogs... we have good hearing. 

	

	"So, from now on, you're only gonna get smoked pigs ears every other
month or so, okay?" WAG, WAG, WAG, WAG, WAG. Did you hear that? We're
getting pigs ears! Woo Hoo!! 

	

	"We're all making sacrifices now," I say as I dig into the dog treat
box and come up with four square tidbits. A brown one for Timm, a yellow one
for Violet and whatever is left for Raisin and Batdawg because they aren't
the fussy ones. Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Okay, we're
ready for round two of cookie time! 

	

	"Like not having flavored cream in my coffee every morning," I say,
letting them know they aren't the only ones having to make changes as I pass
out the treats. "It's back to plain milk for me." Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag.
Crunch, crunch, crunch. Okay, none of us peed in the hallway last night so
pay up, lady! Round three! 

	

	"And no more pricey paper towels to clean up the messes you dogs
make!" I admonish tenderly, "We're using the cheap store brand now." Wag,
wag, wag, wag, wag. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Round four, please! 

	

	"It won't be so bad," I say, looking at their eager faces. "There'll
always be plenty of regular dog food. It's just the treats we're cutting
back on." Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag. Where's round four, lady? Huh? Hey!
Excuse us, but aren't you forgetting something? Like round four of cookie
time? 

	

	"Sorry, guys, but that's it for today," I say and show them my empty
palms. That's the signal that treat time is over. They looked at one another
and I swear I could see the confusion on their faces. 

	

	Then Raisin heaves one of her big dog sighs and turns to leave. The
rest of the dogs follow her into the living room and soon they are all
stretched out in their favorite spots because right after cookie time, nap
time is next on their daily agenda. 

	

	Smith, the cat, purrs into the kitchen then and butts his head
against my shins. That's his way of reminding me that his food dish is empty
and he would like his half a can of tender slices in real beef gravy and
ONLY tender slices in real beef gravy and not some other flavor, or some
other brand, if you don't mind. And even if you do mind, it had better be
exactly what I want or I will throw it up on the sofa, and we don't want
that mess again, now do we, lady? He sits primly in front of me, wrapping
his tail around to cover his front paws. He blinks at me a few times and
then yawns. 

	

	"Smith, old buddy," I begin gently, "I have some news for you. Times
are tough right now, the old pocket book has taken a direct hit, so we're
gonna have to tighten our belts a little. Do you know what that means?" 

	

	He blinks again. Yeah, I know what that means. That means you and
the dogs are gonna have to make a few cutbacks. Now, where's my half a can
of tender slices in real beef gravy?