[StBernard] If my body were a car...............

[Westley Annis]

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... 
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it
in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish
and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of
it. 
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up
close. 
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and
bump into things even in the best of weather. 
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. 
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns
inefficiently. 
But here's the worst of it -- 
[]
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh..... 
either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires