[StBernard] Political Science for Dummies

[Westley Annis]

Political Science for Dummies  


                                  

DEMOCRAT 

 

 

You have two cows. 
Your neighbor has none.  
You feel guilty for being successful.  

 

You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone. 

 

REPUBLICAN 

 

You have two cows. 
Your neighbor has none. 
So what?

 

SOCIALIST 

 

You have two cows. 
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.  
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

 

COMMUNIST 

 

You have two cows. 
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.  
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

 

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE 

 

You have two cows. 
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

 

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE 

 

You have two cows. 
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

 

AMERICAN CORPORATION 

 

You have two cows. 
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You
force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

 

FRENCH CORPORATION 

 

You have two cows. 
You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink
wine. 
Life is good..

 

JAPANESE CORPORATION 

 

You have two cows. 
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. You spend millions creating a robot cow that
looks and walk like the miniature cow.

 

GERMAN CORPORATION 

 

You have two cows.  
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.  
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

 

ITALIAN CORPORATION 

 

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.  
You break for lunch. 
Life is good.

 

RUSSIAN CORPORATION 

 

You have two cows. 
You have some vodka. 
You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka.. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes
over however many cows you really have.

 

TALIBAN CORPORATION 

 

You have all the cows in   Afghanistan ... which is two.  
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. 
You get a $40 million grant from the US  government to find alternatives to
milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.

 

IRAQI CORPORATION 

 

You have two cows. 
They go into hiding.  
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

 

POLISH CORPORATION 

 

You have two bulls. 
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

 

BELGIAN CORPORATION 

 

You have one cow. 
The cow is schizophrenic. 
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French; other times she's Flemish. The
Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. 
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks
permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

 

FLORIDA CORPORATION 

 

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking
one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally
vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for
neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally a bunch of
guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

 

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION 

 

You have millions of cows.  
They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.