[StBernard] Posted to Craig's List Personals

[Westley Annis]

OMG...this is hilarious...and I LOVE IT!!

 

Rena

 

Posted to Craig's List Personals: 

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in 
Downtown Savannah night before last. 

Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST 

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.  You also asked
for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. 

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. 

I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. 

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening.  Beautiful pistol, eh? 

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know
it probably wasn't a great deal of fun
walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping
about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you
calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. 

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed
in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station
this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big
motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!  I gave your shoes
to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of
the cash in your wallet.   

 I threw the wallet in a fancy pink  "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after
I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side.  I
called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your
bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line,
and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know
what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your
service. 

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the D A 's office and one
to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I
guess while he traced the number).   

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk
back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so
lucky... 

- Alex 

P.S. Remember this motto......  an armed society is a polite society!