[StBernard] I hope ONE of these will make you smile!

Westley Annis Westley at da-parish.com
Thu Oct 29 07:40:14 EDT 2009


I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!



My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.



In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.



A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory



The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.



I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.



I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.



KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.



I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.



Dyslexics Have More Nuf..



I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.



Preserve the Spotted Owl
(in formaldehyde)



When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".



money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.



Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.



I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.



Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.



I am having an out-of-money experience.






Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.



Corduroy pillows are making headlines!



I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like
the passengers in his car.





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