[StBernard] 8 Things that will happen if the SAINTS make the Super Bowl

[Westley Annis]

8 things that will happen if the Saints make the Super Bowl 

If that should happen, New Orleans is likely to explode into a chaotic
revelry unlike anything the city has ever seen before.  Add in the fact that
we'll be in the midst of Mardi Gras during the game and it's almost scary to
think what could go down here on February 7, 2010 if the Saints are in Miami
. 

Here are some things we might see: 

1.  Alcohol shortages:  All groceries, convenience stores and drug stores
within a 100 mile radius of New Orleans will completely sell out of beer,
wine and liquor.  If the Saints make the Super Bowl, you should stock up at
least a week in advance otherwise you'll be stuck with soda and water. 

2.  Extreme noise:  The sounds of 1.13 million cheering fans in metro New
Orleans will reach more than 500 decibels.  Hundreds of thousands of
stomping feet will create shockwaves and tremors as far away as Houston and
Atlanta . 

3.  Regional smoke screen and CO2 emissions:  Smoke from barbecue pits,
fireworks and bonfires will create a 250-mile long cloud in the sky that
will be seen from satellites and on Google Earth.  Tens of thousands of
residents will boil seafood in their backyards and CO2 emissions from the
burning propane tanks will create a hole in the ozone above New Orleans . 

4.  Total gridlock:  The crowds of people trying to get to the French
Quarter will back up traffic all the way to Bay St. Louis, Mississippi.  If
you're driving in from the east, you'll likely have to park somewhere on
Judge Perez in Chalmette and walk the rest of the way.  The line to get into
Pat O'Brien's will end somewhere in the Marigny and the spillover from
Bourbon Street will run all the way to Decatur. 

5.  The city will use parking tickets to fund Nagin's world travels:  The
City of New Orleans Parking Enforcement will mark the day on the calendar
and send out busloads of meter maids to issue thousands of tickets to  those
having a good time downtown.  They'll use the proceeds to send Mayor Nagin
on a luxury 13-day cruise down the Nile followed by a jaunt into space with
Richard Branson.   
 

6.   New Orleans will put out 3 more port-o-lets:  In response to the
massive crowds, the city will put 3 more port-o-lets for a grand total of
12. This will increase ratio of toilets-to-people to an impressive 1 toilet
per 24,000 visitors.  The wait time to pee in the French Quarter will drop
from five hours to only three.

7.  Who Dat migration:  Thousands of vehicles, mostly Chevy Silverados with
fleur de lis stickers in the back windows, will make the trip down I-10 then
head south on I-75 and I-95 to Miami .  "Who Dat!" will be heard at dozens
of gas stations along the way  which will also subsequently sell out of Bud
Light.   Much of the 862 miles of interstate between New Orleans and Miami
will be littered with beer cans and chicken bones. 

8.  Thousands of televisions will need to be replaced:  Country folk Who
Dats on the north shore and in wooded areas surrounding New Orleans will
shoot out their televisions in excitement.