# [StBernard] Universal Laws

Westley Annis Westley at da-parish.com
Mon Feb 1 07:53:59 EST 2010

I can definitely vouch for 18.

JY

THE UNIVERSAL LAWS...

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with
grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will
roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get
a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat
tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every
time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you
know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be
seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are
furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the
coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a
locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly
sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to
the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know
what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're
ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no
feet.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go
to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an
appointment and you'll stay sick.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you
find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.