[StBernard] G R O A N !!! but I had to send them lol

Westley Annis Westley at da-parish.com
Fri Jun 11 22:23:14 EDT 2010


A change from political discussions and BP. We need a break.

JY


-


Approach with caution...some of these may be painful but necessary.

: )


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you,
but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says,
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does
this
taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing
to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and
says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in
the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
about
an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to
disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."

18. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them
went to
a family in Egypt and was named "Ahmal." The other went to a family
in
Spain; they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told
her
husband that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responded, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered
from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
...
a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out
that
there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
his
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.







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