[StBernard] The humor - and wisdom - of Erma Bombeck still prevails

[Westley Annis]

With all the "hot wind bags" you see on TV news talk channels today, I often
wonder where have the true humorists gone?  It makes me realize how much I
miss people like Erma Bombeck.  I can't believe it's been nearly 15 years
since her passing, but I found a list of some of her sayings.  I love her
quotes on Motherhood and what it means to be a "responsible" parent -
something the government along with liberals and progressives should take
note.

 

Merry Christmas to all and best wishes for 2011..God knows we need it!

 

-John Scurich

 

Erma Bombeck Quotes:

*	"Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids."
*	"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being
hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
*	"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas
morning and not be a child."
*	"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be
declared legally dead."
*	"The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy
breathing again."
*	"Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and
rewards you for your courage."
*	"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are
lonely."
*	"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I
would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used
everything you gave me.'"
*	"In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced
on TV."
*	"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
*	"Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the 'Titanic' who
waved off the dessert cart."
*	"Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth."
*	"The grass is always greener over the septic tank."
*	"A child needs your love more when he deserves it least."
*	"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and
tragedy, humor and hurt."
*	"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."
*	"If you can laugh at it, you can live with it."

Erma Bombeck Quotes On Motherhood:

*	I loved you enough to ask about where you were going, with whom and
what time you would get home.
*	I loved you enough to insist that you buy a bike, that we could
afford to give you, with your own money.
*	I loved you enough to make you return a Milky-Way- with a bite out
of it-to the drug store and to confess "I stole this.
*	I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned
your room, a job that would have taken me 15 minutes.
*	I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, disgust and
tears in my eyes.
*	I loved you enough to admit I was wrong and ask for your
forgiveness.
*	I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall and hurt.
*	But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when you hated me for
it. That was the hardest part of all.
*	All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking
children into a house with white carpet is one of them.
*	Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions
that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do
you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save
some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?
*	Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light
in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to
say, "I didn't turn it on.
*	I remember buying a set of black plastic dishes once, after I saw an
ad on television where they actually put a blowtorch to them and they
emerged unscathed. Exactly one week after I bought them, one of the kids
brought a dinner plate to me with a large crack in it. When I asked what
happened to it, he said it hit a tree. I don't want to talk about it.
*	Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information.
They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who
lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the
dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last
time it snowed.