[StBernard] you simply can't make this stuff up

Westley Annis Westley at da-parish.com
Wed Jan 19 21:37:17 EST 2011


This is just too funny! This could only be true; you simply can't make this
stuff up!

Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a
dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit...no flies, no
smell. "What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen.

'Come on, Ellen, let's just go...'

But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll
just put my things in your bag, and then I'll use this tissue....'

She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to
cradle and lower the former feline into her own Kohl's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in
the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial
bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina
would soon lose that new-car smell.

They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to K
& W Cafeteria.

They went through the serving line and sat down at a window table. They had
a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still on the trunk.

BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a big woman in a red gingham
shirt stroll by their car.. She looked quickly this way and that, and then
took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their
line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.

It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.
'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen. 'The nerve of that woman!' Kay
sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought
about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her
gaze, Kay recognized the big woman in the red gingham shirt with the Kohl's
bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing her tray toward the

Helplessly they watched the scene unfold:

After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs,
put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.

After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted
the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but
not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out
the tissue paper and peered into the bag.

Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise
grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and
clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a
customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered
the Heimlich maneuver.

A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained
riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.
In a matter of minutes, the big woman with the red gingham shirt emerged,
still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney.

Two well-trained EMT volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while
a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed
cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance
doors................the Kohl's Bag perched on her stomach!!

God does take care of those who do bad things! AND once in a while...He
allows us to witness!

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