[StBernard] paraprosdokian

[Westley Annis]

	A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the
reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is
frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an
anticlimax . 
	 
	1.    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 
	 
	2.    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car. 
	 
	3.    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the
list.  
	My physical therapist has this on his wall....LOL!
	 
	4.    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak. 
	 
	5.    If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. 
	 
	6.    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 
	 
	7.    War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 
	 
	8.    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad. 
	 
	9.    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese. 
	 
	10.  Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't. 
	 
	11.  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research. 
	 
	12.  A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station and an address book. 
	 
	13.  How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire? 
	 
	14.  Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,
but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 
	 
	15.  Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them
fish. 
	 
	16.  I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay
checks. 
	 
	17.  A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove
that you don't need it. 
	 
	18.  Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If
an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". 
	 
	19.  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 
	 
	20.  Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 
	 
	21.  Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America ? 
	 
	22.  Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman. 
	 
	23.  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 
	 
	24.  You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice. 
	 
	25.  The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good
ideas! 
	 
	26.  Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. 
	 
	27.  Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were. 
	 
	28.  Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
live with. 
	 
	29.  I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. 
	 
	30.  Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

	 
	31.  There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down
so they can't get away. 
	 
	32.  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 
	 
	33.  When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water. 
	 

	34.  You're never too old to learn something stupid. 
	 
	35.  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever
you hit the target. 
	 
	36.  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 
	 
	37.  Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have
no imagination whatsoever. 
	 
	38.  A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after
it as when you are in it. 
	 
	39.  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.