[StBernard] Holy Humor

[Westley Annis]

These are really cute. Enjoy!!
 
             HOLY HUMOR
During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should
remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

    GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan.  She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside,
all wounded and   bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl
broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

    DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with
just two worms."

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the
most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalms 23.
She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was
excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalms.  After
much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the
kids were scheduled to recite Psalms 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky
was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and
said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."


    UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and
bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked
him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant
of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How
come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

    BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your
prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The
little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"


  ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every
family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For
several weeks,     after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would
say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to
include
this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why
do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because
everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't
need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do "his mother insisted. "We
always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house."
Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.


                THE BIBLE
Did you know that... When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache. When
you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. Let's
read the Bible every day so he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day he'll have a
stroke and never wake up.
And did you also know that when you are about to forward this email to
others, the devil will discourage you but forward it anyway.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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