[StBernard] A Cajun Classic, God Bless dem Cajuns
westley at da-parish.com
Sat Dec 31 09:20:25 EST 2011
A Cajun Classic ....... Have a good laugh
Cajun 12 Days of Christmas
Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las'night with dirty rice. I
doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.
You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny
pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem.
Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave
two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an
fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for
her fighting rooster.
Mon Dieux! I tol you no more xxxxx birds. Deez four, what you call dem
"calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to
Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to
You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem
at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my
shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci
Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is
scared to death at dem six geeses. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de
heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating cockroaches, though. I may stuff
one of dem wit erster dressing on Christmas
Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Thibeau,
da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up
his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I
let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from
Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.
Poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8
maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators
and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I
tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it
wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think dey too good ta skin nutrias I
caught las night.
What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry
dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou. As soon as dey
gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means
but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu,
Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria,
and de cows done eat my turnip greens.
You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure.
Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be
"Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits.
Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da
out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get
toilet paper; the Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords'
Where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from the
House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed stuffed goose
and beef jambalaya and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he having a
good time, yeah, dancing with de floozies. Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine
Day, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de
mail, doan open it.
I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da
fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a
restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, Ladies
dancing can make $20 for a table dance, and de Lords can be waiters an valet
park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem
ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We
will probably gross a million nex year.
More information about the StBernard