[StBernard] Southern Grandma

[Westley Annis]

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.

 

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"  She responded, "Why, yes, I do know
you, Mr. Williams.  I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me.  You lie, you cheat on your wife,
and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.  You think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you."

 

The lawyer was stunned!  Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

 

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do.  I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too.  He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.  He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of
the worst in the entire state.  Not to mention he cheated on his wife with
three different women.  One of them was your wife.  Yes, I know him." The
defense attorney almost died.

 

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet
voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send
you to the electric chair."