[StBernard] retired?

Westley Annis westley at da-parish.com
Sun Sep 9 23:04:19 EDT 2007

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. They are always looking for things to do

Mrs. Fenton loves Walmart. She insists that Mr.Fenton go with her to
Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get
out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.

Recently the store sent her the following letter.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior any longer we will, therefore, have to
ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed

Please note, we regret having to do this to you, but as HE IS ALWAYS with
you we have no choice!

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the LADIES'

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

'Code 3' in housewares and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers
he would invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding

>8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and

asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and
picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk
if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission
Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed the
fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Dec 25: Dressed as Santa but allowed only sexy young ladies to sit on
his lap leaving the kids crying.

16. Dec 31: Turned out all the lights and yelled "Disco Time", bring your
dancing shoes.

And last, but not least....

18. Jan 1: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"



Interesting short stories inspired by the scriptures


alnores at yahoo.com <mailto:alnores at yahoo.com>

Alvin Jean Nores


3404A Greenbrier Ct.

Gulf Breeze, Florida



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