[StBernard] There's hope for Dorks! Funny article

[Westley Annis]

4 reasons to date a dork
By Bob Strauss

Picture yourself in the following situation: You're home on a Thursday
night, desperately trying to email a gargantuan PDF file to your boss for
his meeting tomorrow morning. However, your broadband connection keeps
shorting out, popping the kind of error message on the screen that makes
seasoned techies yank out their hair and run screaming for the fire doors.
Would you rather have a boyfriend who a) whacks the monitor with his palm
like it's a color TV, then shrugs and cracks open another beer, or b)
rewrites your Windows registry so you can transmit PDF files and then offers
you a glass of wine? 

If you chose b), congratulations: You've discovered the joy of dorks.
Usually distinguished by their intense shyness, faulty vision, and obscure
fashion sense, dorks are currently the largest untapped natural dating
resource in the United States. Not only does dating a dork guarantee you
24/7 technical support, but you also get the following perks: 

1. He's a patient listener. Unless they're talking about TCP/IP protocols,
dorks rarely try to dominate a conversation. In fact, because they spent
their formative years tucked away in computer labs guarding their lunch
money, they find the mundane, everyday details of female life as fascinating
and exotic as a Discovery Channel documentary on Amazonian beetles-so feel
free to explain in detail why you think fuchsia nail polish better suits
your complexion than light peach. 

2. He's a faithful companion. Odds are that your dork, er, your boyfriend,
hasn't had all that much success in the dating department. For all you know,
you're the first real live woman he's ever been involved with. So even if he
had the inclination to squirrel around, it's unlikely he would ever get the
opportunity, and besides, dorks are notoriously bad at keeping secrets
(since an illicit rendezvous is even more fun to talk about than TCP/IP
protocols). 

3. He's a guy who's not obsessed with sports. The average dork spent his
grade-school years being picked last for team sports, so he's unlikely to
block out entire weekends (which you'd rather spend shopping and snuggling)
for football or the NBA playoffs. One caveat, though: Dorks have been known
to develop an unholy affinity for baseball, probably because the endlessly
complex stats remind them of TCP/IP protocols. 

4. He's a good father. Unless he has serious overcompensation issues, a dork
is unlikely to pressure your son to bulk up for the wrestling team, or
discourage your daughter from pursuing a career in science. He'll be
understanding, tender, and unafraid to get his hands dirty. In fact, dorks
love to change diapers, which is kind of like taking apart and reassembling
a tiny, malfunctioning gizmo. It's that "let me figure it out and fix it"
outlook that you'll be grateful for, year after year. 

Bob Strauss is a New York-based freelance writer and the author of Who Knew?
Hundreds & Hundreds of Questions & Answers for Curious Minds. Email him your
thoughts here <mailto:uneedabob at yahoo.com> .