[StBernard] New Element Discovered

[Westley Annis]

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to
science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant
neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it
can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to
complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistan t neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with
money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just
as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as
many morons.

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