[StBernard] HERE ARE PUNS TO BLOW YOUR MIND

[Westley Annis]

HERE ARE PUNS TO BLOW YOUR MIND

It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level
of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International
Pun Contest.


 

1.  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The
Stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger.


 

2.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  The one turns to the other and
says, 'Dam!'


 

3.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft.  Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it, too.


 

4.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.'  The other
says, 'Are you sure?'  The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'


 

5.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.


 

6.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  But
why they asked, as they moved off.   'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open  foyer.'


 

7.  A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a
family in  Egypt and is named Ahmal.  The other goes to a family in   Spain
; they name him Juan.  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds, 'They're
twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'


 

8.  A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a
small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He
went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him.  So, the rival
florist hired Hugh  MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to 'persuade' them to  close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.  Terrified, they
did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


 

9.  Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath.  This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it's good) a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


 

10.  And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.