[StBernard] Senior Newspaper Ads

[Westley Annis]

These ads need better editing.  I got this out of a Senior Newspaper and I
laughed so hard I almost choked.

 

COMPILED BY SUSAN CAPPS

 

LOST:  small apricot poodle.  Reward. Neutered.  Like one of the family.

 

A superb and inexpensive restaurant.  Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.

 

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

 

For Sale: an antique desk suitable for a lady with thick legs and large
drawers.

 

Four poster bed, 101 years old.  Perfect for antique lover.

 

We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by hand.

 

Dog for sale:  eats anything and is fond of children.

 

Vacation Special:  have your home exterminated.

 

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.  Swim in
the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

 

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other
athletic facilities.

 

Stock up and save.  Limit: one.

 

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory.  Must be willing to travel.

 

Used cars:  Why go elsewhere to be cheated?  Come here first!

 

Christmas tag-sale.  Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

 

Our bikinis are exciting.  They are simply the tops.

 

Illiterate:  Write today for free help.

 

Girl wanted to assist magician cutting-off-head illusion.  Blue Cross and
salary.

 

Rena