[StBernard] HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029

[Westley Annis]

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as  California .
 
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
third language 
 
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

 
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped. 
 
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. 

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.. 
 
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Lichtenstein. No
other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! 
 
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.. 
 
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. 
 
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesdays only.. 
 
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. 
 
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. 
 
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in
Mexifornia and Floruba. 
 
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. 
 
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States 
 
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWAR even though gas is selling for 4532
Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. 
 
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. 
 
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. 
 
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. 
 
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters
and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030. 
 
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. 
 
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines. 
 
Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want; then, guess
what...NOTHING will happen.. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing,
except you might make someone smile.
 
 
 I Love This Country! 
 It's The Government That Scares Me!