[StBernard] You will love this Doctor!

[Westley Annis]

His practice has no room for new patients! Now, he's a medical wizard!   
I love this Doctor   
 
 
  
  
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?   
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live
longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want
live longer? Take nap.   
  
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?   
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn.
What are these? Vegetables.. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism
of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100%
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.   
  
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?   
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That
means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way.
Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!   
  
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?   
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two
bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.   
  
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?   
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!   
  
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?   
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more
vegetables be bad for you?   
  
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?   
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only
do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.   
  
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?   
A: You crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best
feel-good food around!   
  
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?   
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.   
  
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?   
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!   
  
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.   
  
AND.....   
  
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
nutritional studies:   
  
1. The Japanese eat very little fat   
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.   
  
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat   
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.   
  
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine   
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.   
  
4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine   
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.   
  
5.. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats   
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.   
  
CONCLUSION.....   
  
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.