[StBernard] Becoming Illegal

[Westley Annis]

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Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident sent to his
senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224-3254
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue 
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted 
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the 
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen 
to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by 
the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this 
bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in 
the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a 
citizen is to pay a
$2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I 
know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process 
started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay 
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two 
years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way 
that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an 
excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
2004 and 2005.


Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local 
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have 
stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures 
I could save almost $12,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter 
would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school 
applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges 
throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the 
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome 
car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I 
still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become 
illegal (retroactively, if possible) and copies of the necessary 
forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA
(Hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bonafide 
citizen of the USA)


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