[StBernard] WHERE'S THE FRONT OF A TREE??

[Westley Annis]

DO YOU KNOW THE FRONT  FROM THE BACK OF A TREE? 
 
A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO  TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA
TO SEE GOD'S  COUNTRY. 
 
WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO  MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO
STAY BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A  JOB !! 
  
HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE  AND FILLS OUT AN
APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR.  IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY !! 
  
THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR  SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN
TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE  FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW
MUCH HE KNOWS. THE  FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND
POINTS AT A  TREE. 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME  WHAT
SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT  CONTAINS.' 
  
THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, 'THAT THAR'S A  WHITE PINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF
LUMBER IN 'ER.' 
  
THE  FOREMAN  IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT  A
MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE  PASSENGER WINDOW
AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A  BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT
CLASS. 
  
'THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE  AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET.' 
  
THE FOREMAN IS  REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK
AND GOT  THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR !! 
  
ONE MORE  TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE   FOREMAN
STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH  HIS DRIVER SIDE
WINDOW AND SAYS, 'AND WHAT ABOUT THAT  ONE?' 
  
BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS,  'WHITE OAK, 242
BOARD FEET AT BEST.' 
  
THE FOREMAN SPINS THE  TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE
TICKED OFF  BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS  THEY
NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA  TO STEP
OUTSIDE. 
  
HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS  HIM, 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?'
'I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE  FRONT OF THAT TREE!!' 
  
THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, 'IDIOT,  HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT
OF THE TREE?' 
  
WHEN  BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE  WHILE LOOKING
AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A  WHITE X ON THE TRUNK. HE
WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM  THE CHALK. 'THAT THAR'S THE FRONT,'
THE REDNECK SAYS.. 
  
THE  FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, 'HOW IN THE HELL   DO
YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?' 
  
THE GOOD OL'  BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS  LEFT
BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, 'CUZ SOMEBODY  TOOK A CRAP
BEHIND IT!' 
  
HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE  FOREMAN !!